This is True, Just Not for Me

I spend hours at work reading things on the internet that are not related to my job or my continuing education (in the formal sense). I read from sources that more or less align with my world view, because I am human, and from a few reputable gossipy trash sites that the filters will let me get to. Some days I get little bits out of what I read, occasional history lessons, reasons to become a vegetarian and/or a better person, affirmations that i'm not a complete twat, confirmation that I am exactly the person that i don't want to be.

Last semester I took Psych 101, because I needed a fluffy class to flesh out all the harder sciences and numerous labs i was taking. My professor often sent out links to articles that he thought the class would find relevant, both personally and for the class. When I ran across an article on Slate about the inability for millennials to grow up I thought,"how fitting," and composed an email to my professor.

I never sent that email.

I read the article twice, I couldn't tell you why, and the first time through it was a very good assessment of the people I was surrounded by. The second time through hurt.

I am in some ways (thank goodness not all) this person.

Yes, at 26, I am a millennial. I don't like it but as far as discussing demographic I fall firmly into the first decade of this group. I am a product of the internet, of instant, of a very tiny world.

And like most millennials I am lost. You know that, you've read this blog once or twice and are well aware that i can and will bather on about myself and my lack of happiness and my inability to connect with people. I'm basically a narcissist, don't want to think that but it's more true than not so much so that in twenty or so years the DSM of the day will have eliminated narcissism because it'll be the norm.

That little break through isn't special, you've seen it before and you'll see it again.

Here I am at 26 working on what will probably be a second bachelors degree with the hopes of medical school. Part of me is already looking for something new, i am restless and tired of being broke. I like to label all of this as wanderlust.

Wanderlust is now defined as the avoidance of failure .



Does anyone want to fund a spring break trip for me?

Boomerang Explained

As a child among all the bats and balls my brother, sisters and I had a pink plastic boomerang. As I was never adept at throwing it it held little more power than a frisbee and though I remember having it it definitely was not one of toys that I mourned when my mother gave it away long after my siblings and I had out grown it.

It wasn't even within my grasp when I threw that hunk of plastic that one day I would become the very thing that frustrated me. I am now a boomerang. I returned home over a year ago after being flung into the world. My brother and I have both landed home displaced and dissatisfied several times but he manages to get flung back out for short bits where as my temporary stay at home has me more a one-winged bird, flightless and hopping, than a boomerang. I have suffered a few setbacks, financially, emotionally and in some ways socially in the last year as I've been poised to be flung into the world but at home I sit.

I joke about it with my mother, telling her as she goes on dates to make sure to mention me quickly and often for it is always good for potential suiters to know what kind of weapons she has waiting at home. All joking aside she's ready for me to leave and I am too. It was 14 months ago when I unpacked my things into my youngest sister's room, unaltered from when she had left it for my bigger and more maturely decorated bedroom. My stay was supposed to be temporary. The room I live in still lacks any sense of me, because I am a guest in my own home, one who has overstayed her welcome but a guest nonetheless.

I had a few exciting moments in the beginning, I did a short internship and kind of fell in love with magazines. Not long after it ended I had an interview that looked promising, I was asked back for a second interview and the day before that interview took place I received an email explaining that I was no longer in the running for the job, they had hired internally. I was down trodden but given the economic clime and the other person's time invested I chalked up to experience and continued applying to two to five jobs a day. I had a few more interviews all without call backs of any nature, not even "Thanks but no thanks" emails. And as my one year home mark came into view I became very discouraged by the whole thing.

Though I have not given up completely I have changed gears, school is looking more and more interesting though it is still financially impossible. I have taken a second job to help cope with my finances and after only a month the clouds are beginning to break and I can feel the rays of hope warming the air around me. All sappy metaphors aside as much as I'm enjoying my new job it still stings of failure.

My plan is to suck it up a bit longer and put myself out there a little bit more.

Here's to hoping it works.