This is True, Just Not for Me

I spend hours at work reading things on the internet that are not related to my job or my continuing education (in the formal sense). I read from sources that more or less align with my world view, because I am human, and from a few reputable gossipy trash sites that the filters will let me get to. Some days I get little bits out of what I read, occasional history lessons, reasons to become a vegetarian and/or a better person, affirmations that i'm not a complete twat, confirmation that I am exactly the person that i don't want to be.

Last semester I took Psych 101, because I needed a fluffy class to flesh out all the harder sciences and numerous labs i was taking. My professor often sent out links to articles that he thought the class would find relevant, both personally and for the class. When I ran across an article on Slate about the inability for millennials to grow up I thought,"how fitting," and composed an email to my professor.

I never sent that email.

I read the article twice, I couldn't tell you why, and the first time through it was a very good assessment of the people I was surrounded by. The second time through hurt.

I am in some ways (thank goodness not all) this person.

Yes, at 26, I am a millennial. I don't like it but as far as discussing demographic I fall firmly into the first decade of this group. I am a product of the internet, of instant, of a very tiny world.

And like most millennials I am lost. You know that, you've read this blog once or twice and are well aware that i can and will bather on about myself and my lack of happiness and my inability to connect with people. I'm basically a narcissist, don't want to think that but it's more true than not so much so that in twenty or so years the DSM of the day will have eliminated narcissism because it'll be the norm.

That little break through isn't special, you've seen it before and you'll see it again.

Here I am at 26 working on what will probably be a second bachelors degree with the hopes of medical school. Part of me is already looking for something new, i am restless and tired of being broke. I like to label all of this as wanderlust.

Wanderlust is now defined as the avoidance of failure .



Does anyone want to fund a spring break trip for me?

The Impossibility of a Budget

It is no secret that I work two jobs and still have trouble making ends meet. This fact is the major reason behind my living at home. So last payday when both my checks landed in my account at the same time (not a common occurrence) I decided to create a budget. I laid it all out and included everything including potential spikes in gas prices.

Tomorrow I am going to the hand surgeon, I didn't budget for breaking my finger, and I didn't budget for it to be getting worse instead of better as time continues. I have two specialist appointments this month and am wondering how I'm going to afford them.

I've given up tons to try to get ahead. I found a new hair dresser, which doesn't sound like much but as I am not in a particularly sound place in my life hair cuts cause an extreme anxiety. I changed and it worked out, but the twenty dollars I saved there isn't even enough to cover half of my co-pay before x-rays and follow ups.

I have a green elephant on my dresser, this elephant could help me with my financial woes. It doesn't hold a ton of money because it is a specific savings fund, the elephant is for a new computer and the hope of a deposit for a school or an apartment. I add to it whenever I have the chance but it doesn't grow very quickly. I eye it every few weeks and consider how helpful it could be. But I won't break into it unless it is an emergency.

How do I budget for the unexpected when most days I worry paying my rent and phone bill? How do I save for the future, and I'm not really talking about the distant future, without causing my bills to go unpaid today?